Unravelling... from finding certainty in uncertainty
Trying to make sense of life when you don't have the answers
Okay, let’s be honest — how many of us are truly comfortable with uncertainty? Confession time: I’m often a black-and-white thinker. The grey areas of life tend to make me twitch. I’m a classic Sagittarian truth-teller who likes to know where she stands. And yet...
Despite being rational, level-headed and deeply logical, I find myself reaching for oracle cards, tarot, reiki and other spiritual tools when life feels uncertain. It’s not about abandoning reason — it’s about trying to make sense of situations that feel out of my control.
A recent comment from my husband stayed with me: “You need to find certainty in uncertainty.” A friend then put it another way: “You’re trying on different lives to see which one fits.” Both hit a nerve. These moments reveal something deeper — the need to feel agency when the future turns foggy.
Lately, I’ve felt adrift. Disconnected from my intuition, craving something (anything) that might serve as a crystal ball.
I’ve put my house on the market (apparently not content with my new build after all), but have no idea where to move. I’m also at a professional crossroads, having recently opting out of a few things that didn’t feel quite right. I even went to “look at some puppies” — ostensibly because my son likes dogs — but it turns out none of us actually wants one.
Some people might think I’m a bit flaky with all the flip-flopping. Really, it’s pressure I’ve heaped on myself — and it’s only intensified since turning 40. I feel like I need a big life. One I’ll be proud of at the end. But I’ve no clear idea what that even looks like for me. So I scrabble for signs. They say you should feel most like yourself by this age — so why do I feel more unsure than ever?
I asked psychologist Eimear O’Mahony for her take. For her, intuition is the inner knowing that operates beyond our conscious mind. “It draws on our life experience, our patterns, and environmental cues that our conscious mind might miss.”
We often feel it physically — that ‘gut feeling’, or the knot in your stomach — but, as Eimear explains, intuition involves your entire mind-body system. “It often starts as a physical sensation before becoming a conscious thought,” she says.
Not sure what that feels like? Eimear explains below:
Physical sensations (tension, relaxation, energy shifts)
Emotional responses (sudden clarity or concern without obvious cause)
Mental insights (solutions appearing out of nowhere)
Energetic awareness (sensing something about a situation or person)
We’ve all felt this at some point. For me, it usually turns up as anxiety — like when I’m trying to talk myself into a group trip I don’t really want to go on, or agreeing to a work project that doesn’t sit right. If I’m mentally rehearsing how to get out of it, it’s probably not for me.
As a child, my intuition was sharp. I always listened to my gut. But somewhere along the way, I learned to question it. So, in a moment of grasping for clarity, I booked a 20-minute Zoom tarot session with the brilliant Erica Owls. Ironically, the cards didn’t know what I wanted either — which sums up my current headspace. But Erica asked the right questions. By the end, I’d stopped seeking answers and started listening inward. Deep down, you usually know — you just have to turn down the noise long enough to hear it.
When I spoke to Eimear about it, she said: “In a world that can often feel uncertain and unpredictable, our nervous system may feel unsafe and seek control. The need for certainty runs deep.”
Psychological research backs this up: we find uncertainty deeply uncomfortable. It’s why we sometimes make impulsive choices, or turn to practices that promise answers in murky times. According to Eimear, these rituals can give the illusion of control — a sense of safety and nervous system regulation. “Even the most logical, analytical people reach for symbolic tools during major transitions. They don’t predict the future, but they create space for reflection and reconnect us with what we already know.”
Perhaps the real skill isn’t finding certainty at all — but learning how to be at ease with not knowing. Instead of chasing crystal balls, we can build practices that help us trust our own inner voice.
If you’ve spent years people-pleasing or prioritising others, Eimear says, it’s common to feel cut off from your intuition. So how do we reconnect?
According to her, the body often knows before the mind catches up. Here are her suggestions:
1. Create small moments of stillness in your day.
Take 3 deep belly breaths.
Relax your jaw.
What tension are you holding in your shoulders, back, stomach?
What sensations arise in your body?
Do you notice any sensations in your hands/feet?
2. Practise setting small boundaries.
3. Track your intuitive nudges.
Jot down small hunches.
Later, note what happened when you followed or ignored these signals.
Review monthly to identify patterns.
I haven’t found the answers yet — no crystal ball, no lightning bolt of clarity. But I’ve started to embrace the stillness. A few quiet minutes outside each morning with a cup of tea, birdsong, dew on the grass, and a little deep listening. My body has begun to show me where the tension sits. My mind is making space for a creative project I’ve long wanted to begin — and finally have. Perhaps the guidance I needed was there all along, I just needed to trust what was being said within.
What Erika did reveal in my tarot reading was that what I’m really craving is more purpose. She hinted at a new opportunity on the horizon — a mission-led project, working with a small group of women — and I am very here for that. Let’s see what unfolds. I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know this: I’m grateful for everything I have. For the life that past me once dreamed of. And I can’t wait to meet future me — but I’ll let it happen in its own time.